Christmas Conspiracies!
Everyone loves a crazy conspiracy theory and that’s why, with Christmas right around the corner, we’ve got some goodies for you this festive season!But here’s a fair warning, some of these theories might be a tad bit…spooky. You may not see Santa in the same light ever again, so read on at your own risk!
Satan or Santa?
Santa Claus is actually, wait for it…Satan! Yes ! Santa dresses in red clothes, which is a color associated with mayhem and danger, hence gets attributed to Satan. The name Santa itself is also another giveaway, where the letters can be rearranged to say “Satan”. This conspiracy was populated by the conservatives who believe that Santa Claus has taken away the true essence of Christmas which should be focused on the birth of Jesus Christ and not of the capitalist agenda of gifting. Another giveaway is the fact that he flies around the earth on the eve of the birth of Jesus.
Santa’s Dark Origins
Santa was actually a demon who climbed down chimneys and ATE children! Yes, he ATE the kids! According to the legend, it was a saint’s intervention that pushed him to mend his ways. So, he started leaving presents for kids as a reconciliation for all the kids he ate. Yes, the past doesn’t matter but that is not how Karma works, Santa! Kudos to the saint for convincing Santa to not eat the kids though! We don’t know how he did it but we’re happy we escaped the clutches of this hellish Santa to tell you his story!
Elf on the Shelf
‘Elf on the Shelf’ was all the rage in 2005 when the book of the same name released! And along came the creepy merchandise, particularly these little blue eyed elves that are supposed to be placed on a shelf, all year long. They’re said to be Santa’s eyes and ears. But wait! The theory goes like this. What if these elves are actual surveillance devices for the CIA. The average american household is being monitored for political stances and consumer patterns. So, it turns out that Santa is actually an evil surveillance machine who thrives on invading personal privacy of homes across the world , spying on children and endorsing capitalism and a surveillance state.
A Coca Cola Christmas
Yup, the beverage giant hired a director in its early days to create an ad campaign for the company. This man brought to life the Santa Claus we know with the fat belly, red clothes, rosy cheeks and white hair. Conservatives have condemned the use of this idea to increase holiday sales. Ever since the Coca Cola Santa hit the screen, we’ve been bombarded with Advertisements featuring this chunky red man to depict Christmas. Christmas still remains the highest economic rise every year due to the corporate propaganda. Many Christians have started to revolt against this current Pagean commercial festival and strongly believe that the unrecorded birth of Christ is not actually on the 25th of December unlike what is endorsed by companies like Coca Cola.
Krampus
This mythical half human – half goat humanoid is the polar counterpart of Santa Claus. Krampus originated in Germany where the creature roams around towns at midnight on the 6th of December. It is said to have bear horns, dark hair, fangs, and a long tongue. He comes with a chain and bells that he lashes about, along with a bundle of birch sticks meant to swat naughty children!! He then hauls the ultra- bad kids down to the underworld! Yup not exactly the sweetest thing to happen during the festive season… Especially if you’ve been naughty.
Well, we’ve just given you a taste of these creepy conspiracy theories, but there’s much more to be found as the holiday spirit has filled every corner of our studios as we’ve started a little something called “9 Days of Giveaways”. I mean, aren’t you excited, because this only means that you, our lucky listeners could win a prize this Christmas. Not just any prizes, nope, prizes worth Rs. 1 Lakh! Excited, aren’t you? Well, if you’re keen on winning, you’ve just got to do one simple thing – stay tuned in!
